Remember Me
by Twiki99
Summary: After an accident on the bridge, Tom Paris losses his memory and begins having a dream about a woman he can't remember. Now he has to try and find out what the dream means.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Remember Me  
>Author: Twiki99<br>Date Posted: May, 2011  
>Rating: K<br>Codes: T Paris other  
>Archive: Here anywhere else. Please ask first<br>Disclaimer: _Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek and all Characters of Star Trek. The story and Jill are mine. I am not making a dime on this. I am doing this and other stories for purely mine and others enjoyment._  
>Summary: After an accident on the bridge, Tom Paris losses his memory and begins having a dream about a woman he can't remember. Now he has to try and find out what the dream means. Feedback is welcome.<p>

He was sure he had been dreaming but now,as he tried to wake fully, he was not sure what his dream was about. He only knew that it had been quite real. As he laid there on his back he frowned as he tried to place the images together to make some sense. He had been in a meadow with a stream flowing through the landscape. There were flowers and he remembered the sound of the birds in the trees. He was on his back watching the clouds drift overhead and he felt he was where he was supposed to be. He was with his wife, and she was also looking at the clouds. They were cuddling and he was extremely happy. But now, he felt he was not in a meadow at all. The sound of birds was replaced with a hum and the sound of voices. But as he opened his eyes, the light assaulted his senses and he closed them against the brightness. He tried to concentrate on the voices he heard, but it only intensified the ache in his temples. He softly groaned and began to rub his head to help rid himself of the pain. He reached out with his hand and felt the material that was draped over him and realized he was lying on some sort of bed. Nothing seemed real, and once again he felt that he was somewhere he shouldn't be. What had happened? He searched his mind for answers, but came up with nothing. It was then that he realized that he didn't know where he was or even who he was. He tried to concentrate on what the two people were saying.

"Doctor, how is he? Is he going to be okay?"

The Doctor answered in a soft voice and said

"Captain he sustained a trauma to his head and although I have repaired the damage, he may have some difficulties for a few days. There is no telling how extensive it will be right now."

"What kind of difficulties are we talking about Doctor?"

She seemed worried and wanted to know exactly what to expect with her chief pilot. The Doctor shrugged and said.

"It could be anything from headaches to blurred eyesight to some disorientation of his motor skills. I really can't say until he wakes up."

He tried to raise himself into a sitting position, but the pain in his head came on in a rush, and he gasped in pain and quickly laid back down. After a moment he realized that the voices had stopped and as he opened his eyes he saw that two people were peering down at him,one with a look of concern and the one who the doctor said was a captain with a worried look on her face. The doctor looked at him and said

"Ah Mr Paris, I see you have rejoined the living."

He was scanning him and didn't notice the look of panic on the young man's face.

They were strangers and he did not recognize them. He didn't even know who he was. The doctor had called him ***Mr Paris*** was that his name? He frowned as he racked his brain to remember something, but the only thing he could remember was the meadow and how happy he had been there. Was it a real place or was it a dream?

The woman laid her hand on his shoulder, and he flinched out of her touch as if the touch was painful. He looked up at her with confusion and whispered

"Where am I?"

The woman frowned at him and turned to the doctor with a questioning look. The doctor raised an eyebrow and looked at the young man on the bio-bed and said

"You're in sickbay, and you sustained a head injury when we encountered that spacial anomaly. You were beamed to sickbay, and once again I was able to fix your injury. I must say your hard head has saved you once again"

He looked at the two people and after a moment said

"You called me Mr. Paris..Is that who I am?"

Now the captain was worried. Her pilot seemed to be getting more confused and she didn't like it.

"Tom" she said softly and gently laid her hand on his "Don't you remember who you are?"

His blue eyes looked into her blue-gray ones and tried to remember, but after a moment his eyes clouded over, and he seem to be defeated and shook his head. He couldn't remember who he was or anything about his life. Tears came to his eyes and slid down his cheeks.

The captain took a deep breath and said

"You are Lt. Thomas Eugene Paris and you are Chief Conn Officer and the best pilot on this ship, USS Voyager. Three hours ago we encountered a spacial anomaly and as we were trying to pull away from it, the ship encountered heavy turbulence and you were thrown from your station and hit your head hard on the deck."

He was looking at her with a frown on his face and after a moment he shook his head.

"I don't remember any of that. I don't remember anything since I woke up...except, that I was outside in a meadow, laying in the grass watching the clouds in the sky. It was a place that I felt happy in."

Again he tried to remember but after a moment he just closed his eyes and again tears slipped down his cheeks. Why couldn't he remember? Everything seemed so fuzzy. Was it a dream, or was it real? He just didn't know. His head was beginning to hurt again as he tried to remember. He felt something press against his neck and heard a hiss and then the pain started to lessen and he started to feel drowsy. He laid back down, and as he began to drift off to sleep, he heard the captain say

"Doctor, I want you to get to the bottom of this. We need Tom back."

The Doctor looked at the now sleeping man and nodded. The Captain turned and left sickbay and the Doctor turned and pulled the blanket up around Tom's body. He stood for a moment and if anyone had been in the room they would have seen the look of worry and affection on his face as he watched the man sleeping. Mr Paris was his favorite crew member and he was determined to get him well again. He gently reached out and brushed back a lock of hair from the man's forehead and then sighing, he went into his office to study the brain scans he had taken earlier to see what he had missed.

TBC

**This is my first story submitted to the web. I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Captain Janeway was sitting in her ready room waiting for the senior staff to arrive for the morning meeting. She had already gotten herself a mug of hot black coffee, and the steam was rising from the cup. But after the first sip, her mind began to wonder back to yesterday. They had discovered a spacial anomaly, and had chosen to investigate it. Once they got close, they began to encounter some fairly intense turbulence. She had ordered Tom to back them off, and as he started to, a violate wave had hit them, knocking quite a few of them away from their stations. Tom had been working hard to back them away, and had been turned in his seat to check on navigation when a particularly violent wave hit them and he had been thrown away from the Conn and hit the deck with force. She still remembered the sound as his head hit the deck. He had immediately been transported to sickbay and had been unconscious for two hours while the Doctor had worked on his injury. She remembered her relief when the Doctor had said he had been able to fix his injuries and that he expected Tom to recover fully. What neither of them had been prepared for was his complete memory loss. She sighed and took a sip from her coffee, which now was lukewarm. She stood and went to the replicator and ordered a fresh cup. As she turned, the doors opened and her senior staff walked in. She returned to the head of the table and they all took their seats around the table.

Ensign Kim looked at the empty seat usually occupied by his best friend Tom Paris and sighed. After his shift yesterday, he had wanted to visit Tom in sickbay, but the Doc had forbid any visitors, and he had not been able to see how Tom was. The Doc wouldn't even give him any information on Tom's condition other than he was going to be okay, but Harry was sure there was something wrong. The Doc had sounded worried and he knew that if the Doc was worried that something was going on. He looked around at the others in the room and saw that they were worried too. Even Tuvok seemed to have a thoughtful look on his face. Harry just hoped that Tom would be alright. He returned his attention to the Captain as she stood and said

"Before we begin, I want to get the Doctor on for an update on Mr. Paris' condition."

She activated the screen,and the Doctor's face came on. She noticed he still looked worried, and she continued.

"Doctor, can you give us an update on Tom?"

The Doctor was sitting in his office and turned to looked into the main room, but then returned his attention to the senior staff and said.

"Mr. Paris is still sleeping. He had a peaceful night and only woke once. Even though his vital signs are stable and he seems to be healing, his condition has not changed."

He looked straight at Janeway and she knew he meant that Tom still had not regained his memory. She sighed and nodded.

"Once Mr. Paris is awake, I will be releasing him to his quarters. He has continued to improve today. I think its a good idea though that he not be alone. Perhaps Mr. Kim would be able to help him settle in?"

"Of course Doctor. Comm me when Tom is ready to go to his quarters and I will have Mr. Kim escort him."

She ended the link and looked around the table to her officers. They all looked as if they wanted to ask questions about the pilot. She continued

"What the Doctor didn't mention is that although Tom is recovering from his head injury, there is a complication."

Harry looked at the captain with a worried face and said

"Captain whats wrong with Tom? The Doc said he was okay, but then he seemed concerned."

Captain Janeway took in his worried face and smiled at the Ensign. He was Tom's best friend and she could see his worry. Of all present, she knew the bond between these two friends was strong. Harry looked up to Tom and she knew Tom thought of Harry as the little brother he never had. She just hoped that Harry would be able to deal with Tom's memory loss.

"Tom has lost his memory."

At this she heard the gasp from several people around the room. Both Harry and Be'lanna looked worried and Chakotay looked up at her and said.

"He's lost his memory? How far back does it go?"

"All the way it seems. He doesn't remember anything that has happened in his life. The only thing he said is he remembers being in a meadow watching clouds in the sky. I don't know if its a memory from his childhood or if its recent. He seemed very upset and confused last night and was in pain so I didn't go into any depth, but I'd like to request that we all go slow and help Tom back to his memories and to us."

She again looked at Harry and continued.

"Harry, I'd like you to stay with Tom tonight to help him get adjusted. Once the Doctor releases him I want you to help him through this. Be patient with him. He's going to have a hard time as it is."

Harry nodded but was troubled. He was really worried now. Tom's memory was gone. How would Tom react to him? Would they still be friends? He knew that Tom had worked hard these last four years to earn a place with this crew and with the exception of a very few people he was now well liked by most of the crew. He had shown on more times than one that he was willing to protect the ship and crew without thought of his own safety. Even Chakotay was now a friend and, though not a close one, he knew that the first officer respected the pilot. All he wanted to do now was help his friend through this and hoped that Tom could regain his memories.

He woke and wondered where he was for a moment. As his eyes opened he remembered that he was on a starship and in sickbay. He cautiously raised his head and was grateful that he had no pain. But to his sorrow he still could not remember who he was. He noticed that the lights in sickbay were dimmer that they were last night and no one seemed to be there. He looked around the room and noticed that the Doctor was in what seemed to be an office looking intently at a computer screen. As he watched, the Doctor turned off the screen and got up and walked out of his office. At first he didn't notice that Tom was awake, but then he looked over to his patient and saw Tom looking at him.

"Mr. Paris...you're awake, good."

The Doctor walked over to him and took his tricorder and scanned the young man. After looking at the readings, he continued

"You seem to be healing nicely,Tom How do you feel?"

"I feel better,Doc, no more pain, but I still can't remember anything. It's really scary not to know who you are. Is this going to last?"

The Doctor looked into his blue eyes and he saw concern...and fear. It made him a little uneasy as he had no straight answer for him. The truth was he didn't know for sure if Tom would ever get his memory back. Time would only tell.

"Mr. Paris, I understand your...concern. At this time I can not even determine why you lost your memory. Until we can find out why this has happened, I can not tell you if this is something we can correct."

He saw the look of defeat on Tom's face and decided to try and lighten the mood.

"In the meantime Tom we just need to run some tests to see if we can figure this out."

He laid his hand on Tom's shoulder and saw that his blue eyes got a little sparkle in them. Softly he said

"Thanks Doc I really appreciate your kindness to me. I hope I can repay you soon."

He gave him a little smile, and the Doctor saw a little of the old Tom Paris, but then his face sobered and he settled back down onto the bed.

Alpha Shift was almost over, and Harry was anxious for his shift to end. He wanted to get Tom home to his quarters and talk. He wanted to help Tom get his memory back so he could get back on the bridge. He missed him and his wit on the bridge. Now he only had twenty minuets till he could leave. He was planning on stopping by his quarters to pick up some overnight things as he planned to spend the night with Tom. Since they were best friends, they both had each others codes so Harry was going to drop off his overnight bag at Tom's then head to sickbay to pick him up.

Tom was a little nervous. The Doctor had told him that he was being released to his quarters and that the man that was his best friend was going to come pick him up and take him home. The Doc had told him his name was Ensign Harry Kim but the name meant nothing to him. He had tried to picture the Ensign in his mind, but nothing came to him. Now he was dressed and sitting on the side of the bed, his legs swinging back and forth. It was a typical Tom Paris trait, and the Doctor noticed the movement. He was getting a couple of hypo sprays for pain ready for them to take with them just in case Tom had any problems. He also got one ready with a sleep aide in case the need came up. As he was turning around,the doors to sickbay opened and he saw Ensign Kim come through the doors.

At the sound of the of the doors opening, Tom turned to see who was entering. He saw a young man dressed in black slacks and a cream colored shirt. He tried to determine if the person was familiar but nothing came to him. He noticed the smile that came to the face and he returned a small smile himself. The man walked over to Tom and said

"Tom I'm so glad to see you're feeling better. You really gave us a scare yesterday."

Tom looked at him with a slight frown on his face as if he was trying to remember something. After a few seconds, his face changed and he looked up at Harry and sighed

"I'm...um...sorry, I don't really remember what happened...in fact, I don't remember anything that's happened."

He hung his head in defeat, and Harry couldn't help noticing the complete openness on his friends face. Then he realized he was seeing Tom with none of his defensive walls up. This was a completely different Tom Paris, no walls,no cockiness, just Tom. Harry knew that his cocky flyboy persona was only Tom's way of keeping people at arms length. In the four years he had known the pilot, he had learned that Tom had endured a lot of pain in his young life..more than anyone should have to go through and now he was seeing the real Tom. No defenses at all, just a softer man. Harry found he liked this Tom a lot and hoped that when he got his memory back, he would keep those long cultivated defenses down.

The Doctor move over to the two men and handed Harry the hypo-sprays and said

"Here you are Mr. Kim, two of these are pain killers and the third contains a sleep aide just in case Mr. Paris needs help sleeping."

He turned to Tom and continued

"I want you back here tomorrow at 0900 for more tests. Mr. Kim will be spending the night with you just in case you have any problems. If you do, I expect you back here tonight. Now you and Mr. Kim can leave. I hope you have a good night."

Tom gave the Doctor a grin and said

"Thanks Doc, you've been most kind to me and I appreciate it. See you in the morning."

Harry was a little taken aback with this as he knew Tom hated being in sickbay. This was certainty as different Tom. He turned to Tom and laid his hand on his shoulder and said

"Come on Tom, lets get you home."

They turned and left sickbay leaving the Doc to watch them leave and hoping that things would be okay tonight.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They walked down the corridor towards the turbolift and Tom seemed to be checking everything out as if he had never walked along these corridors before. He was interested in all his surroundings as if he were a child on a new adventure. They passed a few crew members who stopped to inquire on Toms health. He was polite and talked to them all, but Harry could tell that he did not recognize any of them. He knew the Captain had made a discrete announcement to the crew on Tom's condition, so none of the people they met seemed concerned at Tom's lack of recognition.

When they reached the turbolift, Harry punched the button and they waited for it to arrive. Harry turned to him and said

"So, does anything seem familiar?"

Tom frowned for a moment and concentrated on his surroundings. After a moment he just shook his head and looked back at Harry. There was a sad look in his eyes that Harry didn't want to see. The turbolift door opened to reveal Commander Chakotay inside. When he saw them, he said

"Tom how are you feeling?"

Tom looked at him and seemed intrigued with the tattoo on the man's face. For a moment he just stared at it. Then he realized he hadn't answered the man and something in the back of his mind told him it was rude to just stare. He shook his head and said

" I feel fine...sorry...um?"

He looked questioningly at the man and Chakotay seemed to understand and said

"Chakotay"

"Chakotay"

Tom repeated a little sheepishly

"Sorry I didn't mean to stare, its just I've never seen a marking like you have and was interested in it."

Chakotay looked closely at him and saw something different about him. He wasn't sure what it was, but Tom was definitely different. Then he realized that all of Tom's cockiness was gone. The man he saw before him had no masks to hide behind. This was just a person who was interested in knowing about his tattoo.

"It's a mark of my tribe. I wear it to honor my people and my father."

Tom nodded and then Chakotay saw a look of despair come into his eyes. When he spoke it was in a whisper and both Harry and Chakotay had to lean towards him to hear his reply.

"I...I don't remember my father or anything about my past...I hope...that I've done something to...to honor my father...whoever that is."

Tom hung his head slightly and both Chakotay and Harry knew that he was trying to come to grips with his current situation. They both knew Tom's history, that his father had disowned him and all the problems the young pilot had and neither wanted to add to it. Chakotay placed his hand on Tom's shoulder and smiled as he said

"I know we're all proud of you here, you're the best pilot I've ever seen."

Tom looked at him with the look of a child who had just been praise for a job well done. The look almost broke Harry's heart. He had always wondered if what he suspected of Tom's childhood was correct, and now with that look it told him he was. Tom had always seem to get pleasure when he received a compliment, and from some of the things he had hinted at about his childhood, he hadn't receive much praise. They had come to their deck, and, as Tom and Harry exited the turbolift, Tom turned to Chakotay and said

"Nice to meet you Chakotay, hope to see ya around."

He gave him a big smile, one that brighten his face, and Chakotay couldn't help but smile back

"See you around Tom, I hope you are feeling better."

"I am Chakotay, Thank you for asking."

Again he smiled at him and walked off with Harry leaving Chakotay to wonder about Tom's new personality. He was certainly different. Gone was the cockiness and it had been replaced with a truly open person. Chakotay knew Tom had come a long way in the last four years and he wasn't the immature,obnoxious pilot that he had recruited for the maquis so long ago. He had grown and had become a respected member of the crew with many friends. And as he thought about it,he realized that the man was an open book, ready to have the pages written on. He hoped that with their help, that Tom could start to build his self esteem before he regained his memories...if he ever would.

They stood before Tom's quarters. He was looking at the pad and knew he had no idea of what to push in to open the door. His frown turned to defeat as he looked at Harry, who leaned forward to punch in the code. The door swished open to reveal his home. He stood there for a moment not moving in. Cautiously he entered the darken room with Harry right behind him. Finally Harry said

"Computer...lights to fifty percent"

And after a small beep, the light level increased to the required level. Tom moved into the middle of the room and looked around. In one corner, there was a couch with a throw blanket on the back. Next to the couch was an end table with a small lamp and some padds on it. He also saw a cup of half finished coffee sitting on the table. In front of the couch was a low glass coffee table that had more padds and some type of sculpture on it. On the other corner was a small desk with a computer terminal on it. He also saw a large potted tree in the corner by the window, and turning to Harry, he raised an eyebrow. Harry just laughed and said

"You got that on our last shore leave. You said you missed having plants, that it reminded you of home."

On the opposite side of the room was a large box with a screen in the cabinet situated at an angle to the two walls and a type of reclining chair sitting to the side. Tom walked over to the cabinet and picked up a framed picture that was sitting on top and looked at the people in the picture. He and Harry were there and a woman he didn't recognize. They were smiling and seem to be having a great time. They were dressed in beach attire and it looked like they were at some beach. Harry walked over and said

"That was taken about six months ago on shore leave...the same place you got your tree. The woman is B'Elanna Torres our chief engineer. You and her have dated, but you both sort of broke up a couple of months ago deciding that you wouldn't make it as a couple...to much alike B'Elanna always says. But you two have remained very close friends. In fact, she's the one who built and gave you the old fashion TV."

He placed his hand on the TV.

"Cartoons...I watch cartoons."

It was a whispered statement. Harry looked at Tom with hope and said

"Yes Tom do you remember anything about your life?"

Tom was staring at the TV and for a moment he didn't answer but then he shook his head and said

"No...It's just something that seemed right."

He replaced the picture back on the TV and turned to look towards the door to what he thought must be the sleeping area. He walked over to the door and peeked in. He saw a bed and end tables. Across from the bed was a closet and dresser and another door. He walked to the door and it opened automatically to show a bathroom. In the corner was a shower stall and a toilet. There was a sink and a large mirror and for the first time he caught a glimpse of himself. He studied his reflection for a few minutes. He was tall approximately 6'3". He looked like he worked out but not to obsession. His shoulders were well muscled but not bulky. His hair was a sandy blond color and the front came over his forehead in a neat way. His eyes were blue and his features looked sculpted. He looked to be in his late twenties or early thirties. All in all he wasn't displeased. He then noticed Harry's reflection in the mirror and suddenly he felt embarrassed that he had been checking himself out. Harry gave him a kind smile and moved back into the sleeping area. Tom followed him and looked again at the bed. It looked comfortable and suddenly looked very inviting. Harry looked up at Tom and said

"Are you hungry? Its 1830 and we could either go to the messhall or replicate dinner here."

Tom was not hungry and as he tried to stifle a yawn he said

"Harry, I'm not really hungry. I am tired though and I think I'll just go to bed."

Another yawn came and Harry said

"Sure Tom, I understand. Today must have been tiring. You go ahead and hit the sack. I'm spending the night so if you need anything just holler, okay?"

Tom nodded. He walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. Not finding what he wanted he opened the next drawer and found a pair of sweatpants and took them out. He turned to find Harry had already went into the other room to give him some privacy. Tom laid them on the end of the bed and got out of the clothes he had worn today and slipped into the sweatpants. He went to the bed and turned down the covers, but before he got into bed, he went to the door and stuck his head out and said

"Thanks Harry for your help today. The doc told me you were my best friend. I'm thankful I have a friend like you. Thanks buddy."

He was smiling as he said this and Harry replied

"No problem Tom. I'd do anything for you just like you would for me."

"Good night Harry...sorry you have to sleep on the couch...I hope it's not too uncomfortable"

"Night Tom..sweet dreams"

Tom went back and got into bed. He turned so he was lying on his left side and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep almost immediately. He began to dream, and when he did wake up several hours later, he was able to remember most of the dream as it was so vivid. He just didn't know what it meant.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

He was walking through a grove of trees. He noticed that the path was even and seemed well traveled. Looking up, he saw the birds flying from tree to tree. He heard them singing and he smiled.

There was a slight breeze and it felt refreshing on his face. He stopped for a moment to enjoy the feeling. He was so happy, as he knew he was where he was supposed to be. After a moment, he looked down the path to the clearing, and continued his walk. He emerged into a clearing and saw the vast meadow before him. The meadow was surrounded by trees, and to the west a large mountain range reached towards the blue sky. The peaks still held snow, so he knew that it was still mid spring. The grass was a velvet green and through the meadow were groves of wildflowers. He took a deep breath and could smell the sweet fragrance. To the east he could see a stream running through the meadow and somehow he knew he had sat on the bank and spent many quite afternoons just thinking in the peace and quite. He also knew that many times he had not been alone. A woman had been with him, and they had talked and planned their future together. But he could not see her clearly, and could not determined when they had met or what her name was. It seemed strange that he didn't really know who the woman was. When had he met her? What was his relationship to her? This was something he just didn't know,but it didn't spoil his feelings of happiness and contentment and he knew it had to do with this place and the woman.

He looked to the north and saw the large log cabin about a fourth of a mile away. It looked to be quite large and there was a porch running the length of the front and wrapped around the side. He could see various furniture on the porch and several hanging plant pots from the top of the roof. It looked very inviting. He stood and looked towards the home and then he saw someone come out of the front door and look towards him. He looked closer and saw it was a woman. She waved at him and he started off towards her. Was this the woman? Who was she? He still couldn't see her face and he broke into a run. She stood on the top step of the porch, and just as he was getting close enough to see her face, she turned and walked back into the home. He climbed the stairs and went to the door and opened it. Inside was a well furnished home. He went in and searched for the woman. He walked into the dining room and then on into the kitchen, but she was nowhere to be seen. He retraced his steps, and searched the rest of the home, but no one was there. He'd even checked out back, but all he saw was a large vegetable garden. But the woman was not anywhere he could see. Where had she gone? Had she really been there? Maybe she was just in his imagination? But he knew that was not true. Somehow he knew she was real, and was suppose to be here as much as he was. He again checked the interior of the home but found no evidence that anyone had been there. It seemed strange that he had seen her and now she was gone...as if she had never been there. He crossed to the door and went back out onto the porch and sat in one of the chairs by the door. He looked out to the mountain range and,as he tried to to piece together the events, he heard a male voice...

"Tom?"

He opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. He was in bed and at first he was disoriented. He'd been sitting on a porch looking at a mountain range, and now he was in bed...on Voyager. He had been dreaming, but the dream was more real than him being on a starship. What did this dream mean? Was the meadow someplace he had been before,or a place he'd never been to? Who was the woman and why did he not remember? He was now sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hand. Again he heard the voice

"Tom, you okay?"

He looked up and saw Harry standing in the doorway with a worried look on his face. Tom gave him a slight smile and said

"Yeah, Harry I'm fine. I just had the most vivid dream and it seems so real."

Harry came over and sat down next to Tom and placed a hand on his shoulder. He knew Tom had suffered from nightmares and hoped this wasn't one

"Was it a nightmare?"

Tom looked over at him and shook his head

"No Harry it was... beautiful...It seemed so real and all I know is, it was somewhere I wish I was at right now."

Harry looked surprised and continued

"Where were you at?"

Tom told him everything and how he had felt. When he finished, Harry let out a breath and said

"And you don't know where you were or who the woman was?"

"That's the strange thing, Harry, as far as I know I've never been to that place and I've never met this woman. But I can tell you this, I feel everything that happened was so right. I know that place and as to the woman...even though I can't see her face, somehow I know her. She's familiar. I can see myself sitting on the banks of that stream with her talking about the future."

"And you weren't able to see her face?"

"No, when I got close enough, she turned and watched into the home and when I entered, she was just...gone."

"And you've never had this dream before?"

"No...yes. As I woke up in sickbay, I remember that I had been walking in that same meadow and then I saw myself lying on the grass looking up at the clouds with a woman in my arms. I felt really happy, and I remember thinking she was my...wife."

Now Tom turned and face Harry with a panicked look on his face

"Harry...am I married...?"

"Not unless you were before I met you."

Harry tried to tease Tom but sobered and continued when he saw the look on his friend's face.

"Tom as far as I know you are not married...and I've know you now for four years. We've shared a lot of things, but you've never told me that you were married."

Tom seemed to relax a little, but he still had a frown on his face as he said

"What does it mean then? Why am I having this dream?"

He again lowered his head to rest in his hands. Harry again laid his hand on Tom's shoulder and said.

"I don't know, but we're due in sickbay in an hour, so why don't you go take a shower and dress and then we'll have breakfast and then go to sickbay. Maybe the Doc can shed some light on this."

Tom nodded and stood up.

"You're right Harry...maybe the Doc can help. I'll go get ready. Can we eat here? I still don't feel up to going to the messhall."

"Sure Tom no problem. I'll get breakfast ready while you shower and dress."

Harry smiled at him, and was rewarded by getting a real Tom Paris smile back. He turned and went back out to the main room and started to get breakfast for them both.

Tom entered the shower and let the hot water stream over his body. It felt good and he just stood there for a moment. Then he cleaned himself and as he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, he reached for the towel and dried himself off. He wrapped the towel around him and then looked into the mirror. He could see the morning growth of a beard and looked for his razor. After taking care of his morning duties, he walked out into the bedroom. He went to the dresser and pulled out some clothes to wear. Since he was not on duty, he chose a pair of blue jeans and a blue T-shirt. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he put his socks and shoes on. Standing up, he turned to make his bed. Once done, he took the towel back into the bathroom and hung it up on the rack. Looking into the mirror, he combed his hair and then looked at his appearance. Satisfied he was presentable, he left the bathroom and walked out into the main room. Harry was at the replicator and was just getting their breakfast on the small table. He turned and smiled at Tom and said

"You hungry? I've made you're favorite..blueberry pancakes, juice and coffee."

Tom came over and sat down and smiled.

"Thanks Har...looks and smells great."

He picked up his fork and began eating. Harry was happy, as he knew Tom hadn't eaten last night and he had also used his nickname. Maybe he would get his memory back soon. He certainly hoped so. He missed his friend and wanted him back.

Twenty minuets later they were on their way to sickbay to see the Doctor.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They had spend over two hours in sickbay, and were no closer to finding an answer to why Tom had lost his memory. The Doc had prodded,probed and scan him and although he said that he was healthy, he could not give Tom an answer as to if or when he would regain his life. Harry seemed more disturbed about that fact than Tom was. Tom seemed to be taking it all in stride, and Harry just decided it was Tom's easy going personality that had him bantering back and force with the Doc. It was something that Harry had seen them both do, but now he also noticed the genuine affection in the eyes of both,as they argued back and forth. He knew that Tom had a friendship with the Doctor, but he had always thought the Doc just tolerated Tom. But now it was as if they had always been close and loved to get on each others nerves.

Now Tom was saying in that put-out tone of his

"Come on Doc, haven't you poked me enough? When can I get out of here?"

"Really Mr. Paris, even with a lost memory, you still have a way with whining. But since I've poked you enough for today, you may leave."

He said with an exasperated tone. Tom smiled and started to get off the bio-bed but the Doc continued in a more superior tone

"But, I expect you back here tomorrow at 0900 so we can go over the results of these tests."

At the sour look on his face and the loud sigh Tom gave, the Doc said

"I can always keep you here for observation..."

Tom was halfway to the door before he said

"Right...0900 tomorrow...I'll be here. See you later Doc."

With that, he rushed out of sickbay with Harry in tow, the Doc just watching them leave and shaking his head and grumbling. Once out of sickbay, Tom stopped and began to laugh.

"Did you see the look on his face Har? I really though he was gonna bust an emitter."

Harry just looked at him in confusion and then said

"Tom, do you remember anything, cause I'd swear it was the old you right now."

Tom was still laughing and turned to face his friend and tried hard to stop laughing. Once he had regained some composer, he said

"Nope Harry. I still don't remember anything about my life, but I have a feeling that my relationship with the Doc was an interesting one. It's just so much fun to twist his chain."

They began walking towards the turbolift, and Tom began laughing again. Harry just looked at him and shook his head. Tom was still a prankster and he decided that most of his personality was intact. What was missing now, other than his memory, was the hardness and all the barriers that he had used to keep people at arms length to protect him from getting hurt. Now he was almost like an open book, his emotions and feelings visible on his face for most to see. Harry decided that if Tom never got his memory back that he could like this Tom Paris as much or more than he liked the old Tom Paris.

They reached the turbolift, and Harry turned to face Tom and said

"How bout we go back to your quarters and you can start reading up on yourself? Then you can get a little familiar with the senior staff..that way you'll know them when you see them."

"Sounds good. I'd like to see a little about my service and getting to know the senior staff would help too."

The lift arrived, and when the door opened, a tall blond woman got off. She was wearing a blue one piece jumpsuit that showed off her attributes. She had some kind of implant above her left eye, and Tom noticed that her fingers and hands had some sort of metal running up them. It took him quite by surprise, and he stepped back from her, watching her as she stopped and said in a very businesslike way with no emotion in her voice

"Ensign Kim...Lt Paris are you feeling better?"

"Uh...yeah, I feel fine..."

"Seven of Nine."

Harry offered. Tom raised an eyebrow and said

"Interesting name...and interesting...what is that above your eye?"

She looked at him with a clinical look and said

"I was Borg and that is my cortical implant. You may call me Seven."

"Ah...okay Seven...nice to meet you."

She looked at him and after a moment, she said

"I'm due in sickbay for my lessons."

And she started towards her destination. Both Tom and Harry watched as she went, Harry with a grin on his face and Tom with a frown on his. Before she had gone to far, she turned and looked right at Tom and said

"We already know each other."

With that she turned and continued on her way.

Tom let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding and said

"Wow, is she always that uptight?"

"Well, yeah I guess she is. The Doc's teaching her social skills, but being a hologram, he's in a little over his head."

Tom shook his head and said

"What would a hologram know about social skills? She needs someone who can guide her properly"

Harry looked at Tom and smiled

"Are you volunteering?"

"Who, me? Nope, not my type, but I was thinking more on the lines of...you"

Harry blushed and looked down. Had he been so obvious? He had been attracted to Seven since she had been severed from the collective, but every time he tried to strike up a conversation with the former Borg, he became so nervous that he just babbled. Now he looked at Tom, who was looking at him with a knowing smile on his face. Again he dropped his head and blushed.

"I...I'm not...sure she's...interested."

Tom place an arm around Harry's shoulder and said softly

"You'll never know unless you ask."

"Maybe...I don't know..."

"Just think about it Har okay?"

Harry finally nodded and said

"Okay Tom, I'll try."

They had let the turbolift go, so Harry punched the button again and hoped that this time no one would be on it. When it arrived it was empty much to Harry's relief.

Tom had been reading his service record for the last forty five minutes. He had already familiarized himself with the members of the senior staff of which, to his surprise, included himself as chief Conn officer and field medic and the Doc's assistant. That last part had surprised him, but it also answered a feeling he had that he had spent quite some time with the Doc. He had learned about the crew being a mixture of Starfleet and Maquis. He learned how they had been stranded in the DQ and how the two crews had integrated. How the Maquis captain, Chakotay was now XO and that the chief engineer B'Elanna Torres was one of his best friends along with Harry. Looking at her picture he could see how they had become close friends, she was very attractive. Harry had said they had dated, but had decided that they were better off being friends instead of lovers. The other members of the senior staff were Mr Tuvok, the Vulcan security officer and even though they had no rank, Seven and the Talaxian, Neelix. Seven worked in astrometics and Neelix was the cook and moral officer.

Now he was reading about his service on Voyager. He saw that he had come aboard as an observer, but after they got stranded, Captain Janeway had given him a field commission of lieutenant. He guessed he wasn't a part of Starfleet, but he wasn't a maquis either and when he had asked Harry, he wouldn't give him a straight answer on it. He decided to ask B'Elanna the first chance he got. He was sure Harry was hiding something from him. He saw that he had performed with honor and had several letters of commendations in his file. He had been sent on an undercover mission to sniff out the spy on the ship and had saved the ship when the Kazon had commandeered the ship and left the crew on a barren planet.

The only spot on his record was an incident on that water world, where he had disobeyed a direct order from the Captain. He had been sentenced to thirty days in the brig and reduced in rank to Ensign. He felt a pang of pain to read about this situation,but Harry had told him that the crew had sided with him, and when he had gotten out he had a lot more people who respected him.

He wasn't sure why his first several months on Voyager were so rocky,and again Harry was vague on the answer. He finally, after two hour, gave up for the day. He sat back in the chair and rubbed his eyes and sighed. He'd just have to get the answers to his questions from somewhere else. He was getting a slight headache, and decided he needed a drink of something. Before he got up he said

"Computer..what time is it?"

"It is 1725."

The computer intoned. He got up and stretched and went over to the replicator to get a drink. He turned to see Harry dozing on the couch. Tom smiled and decided to let him sleep. It was still early, and they could get dinner later. He ordered a glass of orange juice and went and sat down on the recliner. After drinking the juice down in three gulps, he placed the glass on the small table and leaned back and closed his eyes. He would get some answers to his questions tomorrow. After a moment, he slipped into a light sleep.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He found himself sitting on the bank of the stream as the sun was overhead. The trees provided ample shade so he wasn't worried about burning. He looked up through the canopy of leaves and watched some birds in the branches, their singing filling the air. It was so peaceful and he leaned back against the tree and just relaxed. He loved it here and was so glad they had purchased the land. He looked over towards the plot of land that the home was going to built on. He could see that the foundation had been laid and that the area had all sorts of building materials around it. He sighed and closed his eyes...

"Tom you awake?"

Harry was standing next to the recliner and was lightly touching Tom's shoulder. Tom opened his eyes and looked up at Harry. He frowned and realized he had been dreaming again. He was still on Voyager. He was still confused at what the dream meant. Why was he having this dream? Did it have anything to do with his accident on the bridge the other day? Would he ever be able to figure it all out? He shook his head, and Harry said

"What's wrong Tom? Do you have a headache?"

Tom stood up and said

"No, just a little more of that dream. I'm beginning to wonder what it all means. I mean, I've had it three times now, and it's just bits and pieces. I haven't been able to see the whole thing. I just wish I knew what it all means."

"Maybe the Doc could help?"

Harry said thoughtfully. Tom walked over to the replicator and paused before it. He thought for a moment and then shook his head.

"At this time I want to try and work this out without involving the ship. I feel like if I could finish this dream, I could figure it out."

He asked the computer the time.

"It is 1900 hours"

Turning to Harry, he said

"You hungry Har, I'm starving."

"Sure Tom, lets have some dinner, but its on me."

Harry walked up to the replicator.

"What should we have?"

Tom thought for a moment and then said

"How about some pasta salad and some warm french bread?"

"Sounds good"

Harry ordered their dinner, and they both sat down to eat. During dinner they didn't talk much and after, when they had cleaned up and retired to the couch, Tom leaned his head back on the backrest. He was still tired from his accident and with all the reading he had done today along with his morning in sickbay. He was just thinking about getting ready to go to bed, when the door chime rang and Tom sat up as he said

"Come in"

The door slid open and Captain Janeway entered along with Commander Chakotay. Both Tom and Harry scrambled to their feet, and Captain Janeway held up her hand and said

"Gentlemen...as you were. We just stopped by to see how your doing Tom."

They had both relaxed, and Tom said

"I'm doing fine Captain...Commander. Would you like something to drink?"

He gestured for them to sit which they did. He moved to the replicator and ordered black coffee and some herbal tea. Taking the two cups back, without thinking he handed the coffee to the captain, and the tea to Chakotay. The captain looked at the cup and then back to Tom and said

"Have you gotten any of your memory back Tom?"

He looked at her a little confused and said

"No, Captain I haven't...why?"

She looked a little sad but said

"It's just that you ordered coffee for me and tea for Chakotay"

He looked at her with a frown and said

"Was that wrong?"

Chakotay shook his head and continued for the captain

"No Tom...It's just that you never asked what we wanted, and you were able to get the correct drinks to us."

Tom stood there for a moment with a bewildered look and then said

"I don't know...it just seemed right."

All three of his friends saw the emotions running across his face...thoughtfulness, wonder,concentration and then defeat and sorrow. It had been obvious that he was trying to pull memories up but had not been successful. With a sigh, he sat back down on the couch and looked at the captain and commander. Again his face was an open book, and Kathryn decided she liked seeing her pilot without the cocky defenses he had always worn. She just wished he could remember. She came out of her thoughts and said

"Tom, I was hoping you would join us tomorrow for the senior staff meeting...if you're feeling up to it. I thought you'd like to start to get back into the swing of things."

He smiled that big open smile that even reached his blue eyes and said

"Thanks Captain, I would like to get back to duty as soon as possible."

She smiled at his enthusiasm and said

"The Doctor will need to release you for duty, and I think it would be a good idea for you to practice in the holodeck with some flight sims before you get back to the Conn."

She looked to see if there was any signs of disagreement, but Tom just nodded. Both she and Chakotay were surprised that he had not put up any arguments to the flight sims. The old Tom would have been upset if they had suggested he brush up on his skills. The truth was they wanted to make sure he hadn't lost his skill at flying. But Tom seemed okay with the request. They all talked for a while about what was going on with the ship and crew, and Tom was quite interested in all the 'gossip.' He even laughed when he heard that the engineering staff was walking on egg shells as B'Elanna was on a tear trying to fix a problem with the warp core. But after about twenty minutes, Tom was having trouble keeping his eyes opened, and when he let loose with a large yawn, Captain Janeway decided it was time to leave. She had enjoyed the visit with her officers, but it was obvious that Tom was still feeling the after effects of his accident. She stood up and said

"Come on Chakotay...It looks like someone is having a problem keeping his eyes open."

She looked at Tom,who stood to protest, but another big yawn came, and she smiled and said

"Tom.. get some rest. Staff meeting will be at 0900 tomorrow. We'll let you get your beauty sleep."

He looked at her sheepishly and nodded as he said

"It has been a long day and I am tired. Thanks Captain..Commander for stopping by."

As the door swished open, the Captain turned and gently laid her hand on his chest and said

"Get some sleep Tom. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night Tom...Harry."

Chakotay said, and then they turned and walked off to their quarters. The door closed and Tom turned back into the main room. He was having trouble staying awake and he said.

"I think I will call it a day Harry. Are you gonna stay tonight?"

"Not tonight Tom...but I will come by for breakfast in the morning. Want to go to the messhall?"

"Sure Harry. Thanks for being such a good friend. I really appreciate it."

"How about I come by at 0700?"

Tom nodded, but didn't say anything. Harry just grinned and left for home.

He yawned again as he walked into his bedroom and got ready for bed. He was so sleepy, he had trouble keeping awake. He couldn't remember being so tired. After pulling on his sweatpants, he climbed into bed and settled in. Before he fell asleep he said

"Computer..set alarm to 0615 and lower lights to ten percent."

The computer bleeped and the light went down. He relaxed and closed his eyes and was asleep within a couple of minutes.

He was back at the meadow. He was standing just inside the grove of trees and looking towards the building site. The walls were up and he could see the skeleton of the roof. It was going to be a large cabin, four bedrooms,a large kitchen with cooking facilities along with the replicators, large living room with a stone fireplace in the corner of the room and floor to ceiling window that faced the mountain range. That way, they could sit in the living room and enjoy the view. The master bedroom was going to be on the backside of the home facing east, so the morning sun would warm the room. It was also going to have a fireplace. The windows were also going to be floor to ceiling. Besides the other three bedrooms, there was also going to be an office/library. They both loved to read and, between the two of them they had many real books. It was going to be their dream home. He smiled as he thought of the finished home and the years of companionship and love they would share in this home. He couldn't remember being so happy. He began walking towards the construction site whistling. It was lunch time and the workers were sitting and enjoying their lunch. He could hear their conversations and saw they were a good crew. He sat with them and they talked as the crew finished lunch. They laughed and he gave them some suggestions on little details of the house. After they finished lunch, the crew got up and started working, and he just wandered around and watched them. After about an hour, he heard the sound of a hovercraft, and turned around to meet the newcomer. The craft stopped, and he walked up to it. The occupant got out, a woman, and he took her in his arms and embraced her. They shared a kiss and he then put his arm around her and they walked slowly towards the home,talking. She was of medium height and came up to his shoulders. She had shoulder length strawberry blond hair with auburn highlights and soft blue eyes that danced with mirth at what he was saying. Her arm came around his waist and they came to a stop in front of the building, just standing there admiring their home. She laid her head on his shoulder and he in turn laid his on the top of her's. He pointed out something and as she turned her head to say something he heard...

"The time is 0615...there will be a reminder in five minutes."

He rolled over and realized it was another dream. But this time he was feeling more at ease. He now had a face for the woman, and he was sure she wasn't on the ship. He was sure he had never met her either. But why was he dreaming about this woman? Was she real or just a figment of his imagination? He still felt that the woman was his wife, but he had not found any mention that he was married. But at least he now had a face and he was not going to forget that face. She was beautiful and as he thought of her, he could feel a soft feeling come over him...a feeling of warmth and love... Love? What was her name? Where had he met her? The computer interrupted his musing

"It is now 0620...there will be a reminder in five minutes."

"Computer shut off alarm. Lights to fifty percent."

The lights came up as he got out of bed. He went to the bathroom for a shower, determined to find out who the woman was and what the dream meant. He knew he had forty minutes before Harry was going to show up for breakfast.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Tom and Harry entered the messhall and went to get their meal. Neelix came out from behind the counter and hugged Tom with a smile on his face. He was glad to see him and wasted no time showing him.

"Tom I'm so glad to see you. You look great!"

Tom looked down at the man and smile.

"Neelix...I'm glad to see you too." He finally was able to extract himself from the embrace and looked at the offerings that were laid out.

"If I knew you would be here this morning, I'd have fixed something special."

"That's okay, this looks good."

Tom gathered some fruit, a muffin, juice and coffee. Harry did the same. They turned and looked for a table. Finding one by the windows, they walked over to it. Many of the people in the mess greeted Tom with waves and smiles which he returned. They sat down and began eating. After a moment, Tom said.

"I didn't know I was such a popular guy."

He grinned at Harry and took a bite of the muffin. Harry looked around the room and then back at Tom and said

"You have a lot of friends, Tom. A lot of people respect your abilities as a pilot and in the last four years, you've won over the crew with your loyalty and bravery."

As the words came out of his mouth, he could have kicked himself. The look on Tom's face told him he had said too much. He dipped his head and silently cursed himself.

"Come on Harry...you know something you're not telling me. Why would I have to win anyone over? What aren't you telling me about my past?"

Harry looked up at him and sighed. He hadn't wanted to burden Tom with the bad memories, and had hoped he would remember on his own, but Tom seemed to have lost all his memories and didn't seem to be getting anything back. Making a decision, he said

"Okay Tom, we'll access the files this evening, and then if you have any questions, I'll try to answer all you questions. But right now we'd better eat, we're due at the staff meeting in twenty minutes."

Tom nodded and picked up a piece of fruit. He had a bad feeling about what he was going to learn this evening, and he wasn't looking forward to any bad news. He just hoped it wasn't too bad. Maybe he'd access the information after the meeting to see for himself.

They finished up, and then Tom remembered he was suppose to meet with the Doctor this morning.

"Oh no Harry, I forgot, I have to meet with the Doc this morning. I've got to call him."

He tapped his combadge and said

"Paris to sickbay"

"I hope you're not going to be late Mr. Paris."

The Doctors voice came over the open line. They could both hear the resigned tone of voice.

"Sorry Doc, but the Captain wants me at the senior staff meeting this morning..but I promise, I'll come right after."

They heard a sigh as the Doctor said

"Fine Mr. Paris, I'll see you after the meeting."

He cut the line, and Tom sighed too.

"Well, that went well."

Harry laughed and they both got up to deposited the trays in the recycler and then left the messhall for the conference room.

Captain Janeway looked up as Tom and Harry walked into the room, talking about something. She raised an eyebrow as she noticed that they sat at their normal seats. She wondered if Tom was remembering anything or just acting on instinct. The two men continued their discussion, and she had to smile at their comfortable ease with each other. They were good friends, but she knew that they looked upon each other as brothers. Harry had been an only child, and Tom, although not an only child, was the only son and the baby to boot. She had seen Tom take Harry under his wing, and seen Harry look up to Tom as a hero.

She had also noticed that both Tuvok and Chakotay were also watching the exchange between the two younger men, Tuvok with his usual Vulcan face, and Chakotay with a slight smile lifting the corners of his mouth. At that moment, B'Elanna entered and when she saw Tom, a big smile graced her face and she took the seat on the other side of him.

"Glad to see you Tom. I hope you're feeling better."

She placed her hand on his arm, and then gave her attention to the Captain who began the meeting by saying.

"Mr. Paris, we're glad to have you back, and hope you're feeling better."

She smiled at him and he returned the smile and said

"I'm feeling well, Captain and ready to get back to work. I have an appointment with the Doc today and I hope he will release me for duty today."

He looked around at them all and they all saw the eagerness on his face. What they also saw was a complete openness in his attitude. No cockiness or arrogance, just the look of a man who wanted nothing better than to get back to his duties. Tuvok raised an eyebrow and contemplated the man he saw before him. Most interesting he thought. This was not the man that Tom Paris tried to communicate to the crew, the carefree flyboy persona, but a man who truly wanted to serve and had no hidden agenda's. This was a different Tom Paris and Tuvok made a mental note to speak to him at a later date.

They went through the ship's business and Tom listened to it all. He figured it was the best way to get back into the swing of things. He was unaware that both Harry and B'Elanna were watching him out of the corner of their eyes. They both had never seen Tom so attentive in the morning briefing before. He could sometimes look really bored, but today he really seemed interested in everything being said. Even Tuvok's dry report on ships security. After about twenty minutes, Janeway turned to Tom and said

"Tom, I'd like you and Chakotay to go to the holodeck today and run some flight sims. I'd just like you to brush up a little before you're back on duty."

Tom nodded and said

"I've got to see the Doc after this meeting, so when do you want to do this Chakotay?"

"How about 1300. You can have lunch first and meet me on the holodeck."

He first turned to Janeway, who nodded and then back to Tom.

"Sure I'll be ready after lunch."

He grinned at Chakotay, and again Chakotay grinned back at the younger man. Something in that grin just made him feel good. He found himself liking the new Tom more and more. Oh he had learned to respect the pilot in the last four years, but they were never what you would call close friends. Not like Tom and Harry, but he began to think that maybe they could begin a friendship. He certainly hoped so. Janeway closed the staff meeting, and as they got up to leave, both Harry and B'Elanna made plans to meet Tom for lunch. He then went off to sickbay to keep his appointment with the Doc.

Tom sat back in the chair and rubbed his eyes. He had been reading his files before Voyager, and he wasn't too pleased at what he had read. He had been involved with a shuttle accident at some place called Caldik Prime and it had ended up killing three people, His best friends. He had come out with injuries, but had lived. It had been pilot error, and he had lied about it to Starfleet. Even though he had finally come forward about the lie, he was not proud of himself on how he had originally handled it. He had been kicked out of Starfleet,not for the accident, but for lying about it. His father, whom he found out was an Admiral, had disowned him. This hurt him as he realized he had disappointed the man who was his father. He had then drifted around France and became a drunk and basically ruined his life. It was in France that he was befriended by a woman named Sandrine. She had tried to help him, but he had sunk so low, that she was only able to give him a place to stay, so he didn't have to sleep on the streets. It was at her bar that he had first met Chakotay, the Maquis Captain. He had offered him a job flying for the Maquis, and Tom had accepted. He had only been with the Maquis for three weeks, when, on his first mission, he was captured by Starfleet, and convicted of treason and sentence to ten years at Auckland Penal Colony. It was there that Captain Janeway had recruited him for this mission into the badlands to track Chakotay down. Once they got out there, the displacement wave had swept them all into the DQ.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Not a very nice history. He must have been a really bad person back then. He now wondered why anyone on this ship was even his friend? He wasn't proud of what his life had been. As he sat back in the chair, his eyes closed and his hands clasped in his lap, he began to think over the events of the last couple of days. He had friends now, and if they had accepted him, then maybe he had made up for all the past mistakes. He knew Harry was a great friend, and B'Elanna too. Neelix was very friendly, and most of the crew seemed genuinely happy to see him. He remembered reading his file after he came on board Voyager, and it had said he had made great leaps and bounds in becoming a fine Starfleet officer and a man of principal. It seemed he had made up for a lot. He opened his eyes and looked at the computer screen again. He then leaned forward and turned it off. Sitting there for a moment more, he made a decision. Even though he was not proud of his past, it was just that...his past. He could see that he had worked hard to gain the respect of the Captain and crew and for the most part he had succeeded. He decided that when he had woke in sickbay a couple of days ago, that that was going to be the first day of the rest of his life. He was going forward and not looking back. He now had a better life to live and he was going to make it a good life. A grin came to his face as he felt the weight lift off his shoulders. Getting up from the chair he said

"Computer...time?"

"It is 1145."

He left to meet Harry and B'Elanna for lunch with a lighthearted feeling.

Harry and B'Elanna entered the messhall and looked for Tom. They saw him sitting at a table in the corner near the windows, and after they got their lunch, went to join him. B'Elanna noticed the look on his face. It reminded her of the look a child who have if he were lost in thought. She smiled as she noticed he was staring out the window at the stars. He always would be fascinated by the stars. She remembered him telling her that he had always wanted to fly, that he and his mother would stargaze in their back yard on clear nights in San Francisco. He had told her how much he loved laying out under the stars with his mother and wrapped up in a warm blanket. She would point out the constellations and he would dream of going to the stars to explore.

He looked up at them as they placed their lunch down.

"Stargazing?"

B'Elanna smiled at him and he dipped his head a little embarrassed. But then gave her a sheepish grin and said dreamily

"Yeah. I love watching them as we fly by."

She nodded and told him

"You once told me that as a child you loved to stargaze with your mother. You said she would spend hours with you just watching the stars."

His eyes lit up and he said

"Really?... I wish I could remember it."

"Don't worry Tom, it's bound to come back to you."

Harry said as he began to eat his lunch. Tom thought for a moment and then said

"I don't know Harry, nothing has come back yet. Its as if my life just started a couple of days ago."

They all ate in silence for a moment, and then out of the blue Tom said

"I read my file before Voyager."

Both Harry and B'Elanna stopped in mid bite and looked at Tom.

"You should of told me Harry. Why didn't you?"

Harry swallowed and then said

"Tom...I...I didn't want to burden you with unpleasant memories so soon. I guess I was trying to protect you."

He hung his head and whispered

"I'm sorry Tom."

"Don't worry Harry, I'm not mad at you. It's just a lot to digest. I really screwed my life up."

Harry opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get a word out, Tom held up his hand and continued

"Harry, I have decided that whats in the past stays there. I have a new life now, and I intend to live it to the fullest. I've got great friends, and have made a fresh start here on Voyager. If we ever get back...maybe I can make things up to my family... and my father."

They looked at him and saw the sincerity on his face and knew he meant every word he said. Harry was glad he wasn't upset with his past and was glad he had decided to go ahead with his life.

"Why don't we meet in my quarters tonight for dinner and talk about this. I'd really like and need for my two best friends to be there with me."

"Sure Tom"

B'Elanna said. They finished lunch and they parted at the door, Harry and B'Elanna headed for the bridge and Tom to holodeck two to meet Chakotay.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Tom stepped out of the shower and began to dry himself. He was expecting both B'Elanna and Harry for dinner and then they were going to discuss his life. He knew he needed to be able to have his friends with him as he got in touch with his feelings about his past. He was just glad he had such good friends to be able to talk things over with. He also planned on telling them of his dream. He had told Harry parts, but B'Elanna knew nothing about the dream, and he felt he needed to share it with them. He still didn't know what it meant. Maybe they could try and figure it out together.

He finished in the bathroom and walked out to the bedroom to dress. He had already laid out jeans and a blue shirt to wear and once he had dressed, he walked out to the main room. He had already programed the replicator with dinner. He had decided on a simple meal, sandwiches with assorted meats and cheeses, potato salad,lemonade,and for dessert, brownies. He hoped that they would enjoy it. For some reason, he seemed to remember having a picnic with these very foods. He wasn't sure if it was a memory coming back or just a feeling he had. He surveyed his quarters and noticed that he had left out several padds on the couch so he picked them up,straightening the throw pillows as he did, and took the padds and stacked them on his desk. There... all was in order, and he grinned. He addressed the computer and said

"Computer what is the time?"

"It is 1815"

The computer intoned. Good Harry and B'Elanna were due in fifteen minutes for dinner. He again said to the computer

"Play selection Paris-6a... level 3."

The music began and he was satisfied that it would not overpower the conversation. He had found that he had an extensive library of music, mostly jazz and something called rock and roll from the twentieth century. He found it interesting that he seemed to have a passion for it. Right now the music playing was from the mid century of a very popular act called The Rat Pack. He had looked up the information on the group, and found that they had been a big favorite of the time. He found he really enjoyed them.

The chime to the door rang, and he said

"Come in."

The door opened and admitted both Harry and B'Elanna.

"Hey, guys. I hope you're hungry, because I've got everything ready and I'm starved!"

B'Elanna laughed and said

"You're always starving! I think that if the Captain would allow it, you'd bring snacks to the Conn."

He looked at her with a confused expression on his face and said

"Really?"

She nodded and gave him a hug. Harry just smiled and said

"He's not that bad, B'El, but he does seem to love his popcorn though."

"And his beer"

B'Elanna added. Tom looked from on to the other, a look of confusion on his face. Then he realized they were teasing him and his face softened.

"Ha Ha, very funny you two."

Both Harry and B'Elanna laughed and realized that it seemed to be the old Tom. At least if he didn't remember his life, he still had his sense of humor intact. In fact, with the exception of his loss of memory, he was basically the same man they had grown to love. It was at this moment that they realized that if he never remembered his past life, he would still be Tom Paris, their friend. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

They were sitting in the main room, finishing off the last of the brownies and lemonade and talking. Tom had asked many questions of his past, and they had tried to answer as truthfully as they could. They didn't know all the facts, but tried to give him a general idea of it all. They had watched his face carefully to see how he would react, but with the exception of a pained look when they had talked about Caldik Prime, his relationship with his father and his time in prison, he had taken it pretty well. He really seemed ready to go on with his life and be the best person he knew how to be. Harry had suggested he talk to the Captain about his father, as she had served with the Admiral, and could best answer his questions about his father. He had nodded and said he would talk to her as soon as he could. He seemed to be ready to know more about his father.

He had told them that the Doc had cleared him for half shifts for the next week and he would have his first shift on the bridge tomorrow after lunch. He had passed all the flight sims with flying colors, as it seemed that all his skills were still with him. Chakotay had been pleased, and had reported to the Captain that Tom was ready to fly again.

Now, as they all reflected on the evening, Tom began telling them about his dream. He told them everything, how the dream seemed to come in bits and pieces and how it never seemed to come in order. He described everything in great detail even down to the sweet fragrance of the wildflowers in the meadow. And the woman...he now had a face to describe.

"She's so beautiful...I feel like I should know her, but I've never even meet her. I don't even know her name, but when I'm with her I feel so...incredible."

The look on his face was so soft and caring that both Harry and B'Elanna could see he was falling in love with this mystery woman. He had a faraway look in his eyes, and they knew he believed that this was a real person. Harry said softly

"You said this last dream that you had, you saw her face?"

"Oh yeah"

He still had that faraway look in his eyes as he continued.

"She's about your height, B'Elanna, and has strawberry blond hair with light auburn highlights, the most beautiful blue eyes that sparkle with life. And the cutest little nose that wrinkles slightly when she laughs."

He looked over at his friends and realized he had been rambling. Embarrassed, he blushed and hung his head.

"Sorry guys. You must think I'm losing my mind, but it's so real. Somehow I feel this is right...I don't know why, but it's almost like I have another life."

He looked back up at them and saw only understanding and acceptance on their faces. He grinned at them sheepishly.

"You know Tom, maybe what you're dreaming is some kind of alternate reality?"

Tom looked at Harry and thought about it for a minute. Could that be it? Was he dreaming about some other Tom's life? Was it all a fantasy? Suddenly his face fell and both B'Elanna and Harry saw the pain and disappointment on his face. He hung his head into his hands and softly B'Elanna said as she reached out to touch his arm

"What Tom? What's wrong?"

He was silent for a moment, and as he raised his head, they saw tears in his eyes as he whispered.

"I so want it to be my life...I so want to live the rest of my life with that woman. I think I've fallen in love with a woman I've never met and with a place I've never been."

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and said

"I'm acting like some basket case. I didn't mean to act so stupidly."

Harry looked at his best friend and said

"Don't worry about it Tom. I didn't mean to upset you."

Now it was Harry who ducked his head.

"It's okay Harry, its just that more than anything I want that to be my life. I'm so lonely and the idea that someone could love me so much without caring about my past is appealing. While I'm dreaming, that is my real life and when I wake up, this life seems to be the dream. I guess that doesn't make much sense does it? I just want to know what it means and why I'm dreaming it."

Harry looked at his sad face and said

"Don't worry Tom, I'm sure that soon you'll know the answers. In the meantime, we'll just continue to try and figure it out."

Tom nodded and then he yawned. B'Elanna stood and gathered the remaining plates and glasses and headed to the replicator to recycle them. Harry also stood and said

"Well, I have the early shift on the bridge, so I'm calling it a night...Tom don't worry, we'll figure this out."

Tom stood too and saw them to the door.

"Thanks guys. You're the best. Don't think that I want to forget our friendship and go into my dreamworld. I treasure you guys a lot...I just wish I could have both."

B'Elanna gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

"We understand flyboy. I hope we can figure this out soon. Good night Tom. Sleep well."

She smiled at him and he grinned back.

"Thanks B'El, Harry see you tomorrow."

The door closed and he turned to go to bed. He hoped he would be able to get back to his dreamworld tonight. He wanted so much to be with her tonight, to hold her and feel safe in her arms and the knowledge of her love. He walked into the bedroom and got ready for bed. He instructed the computer to play some soft jazz and to lower the lights to ten percent. Since he wasn't due on the bridge till 1300, he set the alarm for 0900 and got into bed. He settled down and was asleep in less than five minutes.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

He was sitting on the porch swing, watching the mountains in the distance as he swung back and forth slowly. It was late spring, and the snow that had covered the peaks was gone. Now he could see the pine trees and the rock face of the range. There was a soft breeze and he was enjoying the morning. The house had been finished two weeks ago, and they had moved in the following week. He was content to just sit here in the early morning. He looked around at the setting. The wildflowers that were scattered through out the meadow were every color imaginable. Their scent was everywhere, and it was one reason they had bought this land in Montana. That and the view and seclusion they had. The closest town was fifty miles away to the south and they had no neighbors within twenty-five miles in any direction. It was perfect in every way. He sighed as he picked up the coffee mug and took a sip. His life was perfect. In two days, they would be married and then they would live happily ever after. He chuckled to himself as he thought of the twentieth century phrase. They were going to be very happy. He looked at the two large willow trees to the right of the house. It was there that they would say their vows to each other. They had invited all there friends. They had at least fifty coming and they planned to have a reception right here, with an old fashion BBQ and lots of good food and music. The tables were already set up and on the day of the ceremony, the seating and flowers would be done.

He turned his head as the door opened and he smiled at the woman of his dreams. She was still wearing her robe and had a mug of coffee in her hands as she came and sat next to him. He took her in his arms and gave her a kiss and said

"Morning, sunshine, did you sleep well?"

She leaned into his embrace and said with a smile on her face

"Yes, it was so nice to have you beside me to snuggle against."

He chuckled and again gave her a kiss. He began to sing in her ear

"You are my sunshine...my only sunshine."

She giggled and snuggled closer.

"You better watch out, flyboy, I may get too comfortable to make you're favorite breakfast."

He smiled, and they both just settled down to watch the birds as they flew from tree to tree. It was a peaceful place and they were both happy they had found this land available. They had bought ten acres and this spot was almost in the middle of the land. Most of it was trees, but this meadow which was approximately three acres, had taken their breath away when they had first seen it and both knew that this was were their home was going to be built. There was a stream running through the meadow and it had plenty of fish, so he could fish if he wanted to. There was a place out back that was perfect for a garden, and they planned to get some animals, maybe some chickens and they both wanted horses. They planned as much as possible to live off the land, just like their ancestors had. It was going to be a perfect life. They still had modern conveniences. They had replicators, a transport station, and indoor plumbing, but as much as possible, they wanted to live simply.

She roused herself out of his embrace and said

"How about some breakfast? Up to some blueberry pancakes?"

She smiled down at him and he grinned back and standing, they went to the door and went inside. He hear a voice but it didn't sound familiar. Turning he looked out the door but saw no one there...

He woke with the sound of the computer as it announce it was time to get up. He was back on Voyager, but he realized he had a large grin on his face. Remembering his dream gave him a feeling of pleasure and contentment. He lay there for a moment basking in the afterglow. Then he got a sober look on his face. He was determined to make this dream a reality. He didn't know how but he would.

He met Harry and B'Elanna for lunch at 1200 in the messhall. He was eager to tell them the new chapter of his dream. They listened with interest, and when he had finished he waited for them to comment on what he told them.

"I'll say this, your dream is really interesting. I don't think I've ever hear of a dream being so vivid."

Harry said as he looked at both of them.

"I know, Harry. I don't think I've ever had a dream so real."

Tom said with a smile on his face. He really seemed excited about the dream.

"I don't know Tom. Some of the nightmares you use to have were pretty vivid from what you've told me."

Tom got a frown on his face as if he was trying to remember them. After a moment, he shrugged and said.

"I don't remember them. Did I have lots of nightmares?"

He looked at them both with a wary look on his face.

"Not that many."

Harry lied as he didn't want to spoil Tom's mood. He hadn't seen him so happy and relaxed in a long time. It was good to see the complete happiness on his face. Thinking back, Harry was sure he had never seem Tom this happy before. He just hoped that this dream wasn't some cruel joke that fate was playing on him.

Tom became animated again as he continued to talk about the dream. The three friends were being observed by Tuvok as he sat at a table on the other side of the messhall. He could see Mr. Paris talking and smiling and the other two listening with grins on their faces. Obviously Mr. Paris was in a good mood, and he seemed very relaxed. Tuvok decided he would seek him out today after shift to have a talk with him. He was curious to learn about the change in the young pilot. What he saw was a more open man, and one that seemed happier than before. He had been considering approaching him about performing a mind meld to try and restore his memories, but now he was not sure that would be the best step. He would observe Mr. Paris today on the bridge to determine if getting his memories back would help. Sometimes leaving the past where it belonged would be best. He got up and headed back to the bridge, deep in thought.

When Tom and Harry arrived on the bridge, Tom was greeted by smiles. It made him feel good that he had been missed. He nodded to both the Captain and Commander as he went to relieve Pablo at Conn. He turned to smile at Tom and gave him a summery of the Conn and then left the Conn in his hands. Tom sat down and for a moment he ran his hands gently over the console in a loving manner, the moment not lost on all present. The Captain smiled as she heard him whisper

"Hey, Lady...how have you been? Missed me?"

He always seem to treat the ship as a real person and she had caught him many times speaking to the helm. It was a trait she like in her pilot a lot and one she was glad he hadn't forgotten. She caught Chakotay looking at the back of Tom's head with a slight smile playing on his lips. He had heard it too and was also glad to have the man back at helm. The atmosphere on the bridge took on a relaxed attitude and Janeway knew it was because Tom was back. He had a way of putting people at ease and when he was absent from the bridge, it was somehow different. It was as if he was the glue that held them all together. She had even noticed that Tuvok was more relaxed when Tom was present. Sometimes, during a battle, it was as if they were connected somehow. Tom would maneuver the ship so Tuvok could get the best shots. It was uncanny the way they seemed to mesh in the heat of battle. Yes, she was certain that Tom was the reason everything worked so well on the bridge. She settled in for a smooth shift.

Tuvok had been watching Mr. Paris all afternoon. He had performed his duty with ease and seemed to be back to his easy attitude with the bridge personnel. Usually he frowned on the non essential chatter on the bridge, but he had to admit to himself, that with the comments and jokes that Mr. Paris was so free with it did raise the bridge efficiency. The other officers seemed to be able to perform their duties much easier and also seemed to relax more. He also noticed that Mr. Paris could completely switch from jokester to business in a second if the need came up. It was something he had observed before, and so he never reported his misgivings to the Captain about the unnecessary chatter. He was sure the Captain would just smile at him and say that it helped bridge morale, which he knew was true. And he also noticed that when the time came to concentrate on duty, that the other members also would follow suit. He had seen both Beta and Gamma shifts were less efficient in doing the same thing. Therefore it must be Mr. Paris' influence that made the difference. So he decided that he would not bring up the possibility of him getting his memories back through a mind meld. His abilities were just as sharp as before and Tuvok saw no reason to burden the young man with unnecessary bad memories. Still he wanted to talk to him about his new personality...

When Tom's relief came to relieve him, he briefed him on the afternoons stats. He then joined Harry on the turbolift and they left the bridge.

"Hey Tom how about having dinner and then shooting some pool in Sandrine's?"

"Sure Harry...Do I know how to shoot pool?...Yeah, I do."

He gave Harry a slight grin and said.

"It's funny how I remember how to use the replicators and how to fly and such, but can't remember my life...strange"

"Well, tonight lets just enjoy ourselves and have a nice dinner in Sandrine's and shoot pool."

Harry had a smile on his face. He just wanted to get Tom out and about. He had spent so much time in his quarters the last couple of days that he was sure he'd want to get out. Tom smiled and placed his arm around Harry's shoulder and said

"Sounds great...but not to late, I've got to be in sickbay for an early morning shift with the Doc tomorrow, and I'm sure he will pout all day if I'm late!"

Harry laughed at Tom's joke as they each went to change into civvies for the night of fun.

Tom entered his quarters and called for lights. It was 2245 and he had had a great time tonight. He had beat Harry two out of three games and won two weeks worth of replicator rations. Then they had played a doubles with Chakotay and B'Elanna and won again, so Harry got two weeks of replicator rations and Tom came away with a months worth. He smiled as he remembered the look on B'Elanna's face as Chakotay missed his last shot and gave Tom the winning shot. She had poked him in the ribs and said he shot like a beginner. He had just shrugged and said he had no real chance to sink it. Tom however had sunk his ball to win the match and replicator rations to the cheers of the crowd watching. Many had bet on him and Harry to win, so a lot of rations had changed hands.

All in all it had been a pleasant evening. He walked into the bedroom and then into the bathroom to get ready for sleep. He brushed his teeth and then got into the sweatpants he slept in. He was tired and as he sat down on the side of the bed he set his alarm to 0615 as he had a early shift in sickbay tomorrow and he didn't want to be late. He planned to discuss his dream with the doc to see if he had any ideas about what it meant. Calling for the lights to dim, he laid down and was asleep soon after.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It had been nearly three years since that accident on the bridge had robbed Tom of his memories, but he really didn't care. He had read about his past and knew everything he had done. He had also talked to the Captain and they had spent many quite hours discussing his family and especially his father. She had held back nothing...had told him everything, and he had listened. He didn't remember the details of his childhood, but he wasn't sorry. She had told him about how the Admiral had changed after his captivity with the Cardasians, how he had become harsher, more demanding, and how she had witnessed his colder treatment of his family at the occasional get together she had attended.

He had also spent time with Tuvok and had been surprised to find out that he had known him as a child, since Tuvok had taught at the academy the same time his father had. He had told him that before the captivity, that his father had been quite proud of his son, bragging on how at the age of five, Tom had set a record in the flight sims that had surpassed even the first year cadet's record. This was something that had placed a smile on Tom's face to be told he had been able to break a record so young...that he had looked to the stars and wanted to fly at such a young age. Tuvok had also told him how his father had tried to mold him into the perfect starfleet officer, even at the age of seven.

He had learned that he had been forced to attend many official gatherings, and if he had made even one little mistake, that the Admiral would call him on it right in front of the guests. This had made him sad as it made him think that maybe this was why he had rebelled so as a teenager, why he had, after he had been kicked out of Starfleet, tried to lose himself in drink, and had eventually join the Maquis. It made sense, he had done it to embarrass his father.

He had read all the transcripts of his trail and through that and the news reports he had gotten the information that he had been disowned and told never to come back to his home. It still hurt to think that he had disappointed his father so much. But he was a different person now. He had turned his life around and made a place for himself. He had become the man his father had wanted him to be. He had to believe that his father had changed also. He still remembered that day on the bridge, after they had received a message from home, hearing his father's voice saying

"_Tell my son I miss him...And that I'm proud of him."_

"_He heard you, Admiral."_

The Captain had answered. He still remembered the feeling of awe to hear those words coming from his father, that he was missed and that he had made his father proud. He had looked up at the Captain, and she had smiled at him, and had whispered, that was the man she remembered before, kind and caring.

Now, they had many such conversations with the alpha quadrant, and Tom had been able to speak with his family. He had told them that he had lost his memory, but had been able to build new ones. He found out he had two older sisters, that they were both married and that he had many nieces and nephews. Harry had even teased him by calling him Unc. He now felt that he had built a relationship with his father. They had talked through letters and face to face about the past and how his father wanted to get back to being family again when they got home. And this pleased Tom immensely, because he wanted to really experience being a part of a family. Oh, Voyager was his family and he really appreciated the sense of belonging here, but it wasn't quite the same. Harry was his brother, and B'Elanna had become like a sister to him. The Captain always had been like a mother figure to the crew, always looking out for them, promising to get them home, so he guessed that Chakotay had become the father figure to the crew.

He smiled to himself as he thought of Chakotay. Over the last two years they had become very close, and had spent time together with Harry and B'Elanna, who had become a couple. Chakotay had even helped him get in touch with his animal guide. At first Tom wasn't sure it would help, but he was glad now he had. His guide turned out to be a bald eagle. It seemed appropriate, since the eagle flew higher than any other bird, and he was a pilot. He had learned a lot from his guide, mainly to accept who he was and to come to terms with the fact he may never regain his memory. Not that he really wanted to go back to what he had been...he'd been told by many that who he was now was a much nicer person. He no longer hide behind his defenses. He was open with all and even though he still had a wicked sense of humor, he had made many friends on board and had earned the respect of all. He was happy...except he was still alone.

He still had the dream, but not as often as he had at first. He knew now that he was in love with the woman in the dream. Somehow, he knew that he wanted that life to be his. He had seen much of that life, living in the wilderness of Montana in a log cabin. They had married and had been happy. He still didn't know her name since he had always called her sunshine in the dream. Somehow he knew that wasn't her real name. They had started a family, two boys and a girl. He was a father.

On the nights he had his dream, all on the ship knew, as he was in such a good mood that nothing upset him. But sometimes, when he went weeks without it, he'd get so moody, that it would take both Harry and B'Elanna giving him a pep talk to drag him out of his blue mood. He had even tried double dating a few times with Harry and B'Elanna, but it never turned into anything. He was just to much in love with his dream girl. The Doc had tried to figure out what the dream had meant, but after a year had given up stating that it just may be something related to his head injury. He knew no one really believed that any of his dream could be real. Even his animal guide had been secretive about the meaning, giving him vague answers to his questions, such as he'd have to determine the meaning for himself. He had a feeling that his guide knew more than he was willing to answer. So he had given up on asking, and was determined to find out for himself.

He was on his way to the bridge for his shift, when he heard the Captain's voice come over the intercom saying

"All senior officers, report to the conference room immediately."

He entered the turbolift and ordered it to the bridge. Once there he headed to the conference room. As he entered he saw that both the Captain, Chakotay and Tuvok were already there. He nodded and then took his seat. The door slide open, and Seven,Harry and B'Elanna entered and sat down. Both Harry and B'Elanna smiled at him and then turned there attention to the Captain. She seemed excited and as she stood, she said

"Seven has located a temporal disturbance two light years ahead that may be a wormhole."

Before she could finish, Harry said excitably.

"A wormhole?"

She smiled at him and said

"Yes, Harry it may be a wormhole."

They all knew that Harry wanted to get home to see his parents again. He had been born late in their lives, and he was always worried that they would not live long enough for him to get home. Tom patted him on the shoulder and said

"Don't worry Harry, if it's a wormhole, maybe it will lead us home...or closer at least."

"I want to have a couple of probes ready when we get there so we can determine if it is a wormhole and where it leads to. Harry, I want you to work with Seven in astromectics preparing the probes, B'Elanna, are the engines up to the strain if indeed we have found a wormhole?"

B'Elanna nodded but added

"I'll run a diagnostic to make sure."

"Good, Tom I want you to also run a diagnostic on both navigation and the helm. I want everything in tip top shape."

Tom nodded and she then turned to Seven and said

"Feed the co ordinance of the disturbance to the helm...Tom once you get them set course for that location at warp two. Any questions?"

When none came, she dismissed them and they filed out to their stations. Seven and Harry went to astromectics, B'Elanna to engineering and her beloved engines and Tom relived the pilot at the helm. After a few moments, the three highest ranked officers came out and Janeway walked to the ops station and said

"Put me on ship wide"

The Ensign nodded and flipped a button. She then nodded to the Captain who had walked back to stand in front of her chair.

"This is the Captain...we have discovered a temporal anomaly two light years ahead and it may turn out to be a wormhole. We have set course to explore it and once we have any more information on it, I'll let everyone know. For now continue your duties. Captain out." The moral level on the ship just jumped by seventy-five percent.

They had been sitting just outside of the anomaly now for three days. It indeed was a wormhole, and after sending several probes, they had determined that it did lead to the alpha quadrant. But it also lead to the gamma and beta quadrant. They had been studying it now for two days, and had come up with the pattern of the wormhole. It appeared every ten hours and seemed consistent with the appearances. The first appearance had lead to the beta quadrant, the second to the gamma, and the third to the alpha. They had spent one whole day testing and it had not deviated from that pattern, so now they were just waiting until they could take Voyager through. That would be tomorrow at 1100. The ship was on party mode. Neelix had suggested they have a large party in the messhall, but that had been moved to one of the holodeck's so they would have more room. Now, at 1900, the party was in full swing and had been going on all day so everyone had a chance to attend.

Harry was looking for Tom but didn't see him. He had been by the door earlier talking to Chakotay and Ayala, but now he was no where to be found. Harry tapped his combadge and said

"Kim to Paris...Tom where are you?"

But he got no answer. That's funny. He asked the computer for Tom's whereabouts and the computer responded

"Lt. Paris is in holodeck two."

That's funny, why would he be in the other holodeck? Maybe he's running Sandrine's? Without thinking, he left the party and went to the other holodeck. It was running a program and he noticed it did not have a privacy lock on, so he entered thinking he would be entering Sandrine's. But when he walked in he found himself in a wooded grove. It was beautiful and he saw a meadow through the trees. The wildflowers were almost everywhere and he could smell their fragrance. He took a deep breath and then it hit him. This was Tom's dream place. It fit the description. Tom had recreated his dream. He could see why he had...the place was like a Garden of Eden...so peaceful. He looked to see if he could spot Tom but he was no where in sight. Harry moved off towards the meadow and as he came out of the trees, he could see the large log cabin. He also saw the stream that ran through the property and thought he saw Tom sitting under a tree on the bank. He walked over to him, and sat down next to him. For a moment, Tom didn't say anything, then without looking at him he said softly

"This is it...home."

Harry looked around and noticed a couple of horses grazing in a field to their right. He could also hear chickens and saw a barn like building near the cabin. In front stood a 1969 camero. He smiled at that and said.

"I see you'll still be tinkering with your antique cars."

Tom smiled then and replied

"Yeah, Har, I enjoy working on them."

"How long have you had this program?"

"Oh about a year now. I come here when I'm moody. It helps."

"Tom, you know this may not be real? It may only be in your dream. Why do this to yourself?"

Harry had been worried for Tom and had to get this off his chest. He didn't want to see Tom get hurt ever again.

"I know you're just looking out for me Harry, but I know in my heart this is a real place."

The look in Tom's eyes said it all. He was being haunted by his dream and there was nothing Harry could do but be there for him.

"Okay, Tom I hope that someday you find this place, but in the meantime, I'll be here for you buddy."

Tom turned to Harry and smiled. He knew Harry and the others thought that this was just a fantasy, that it was the result of his head injury,but to him it was real...he just knew it. He just didn't know how to prove it to them.

"How would you like to meet my wife? Computer add holo character "Sunshine"

The woman materialize in front of them. She was smiling at Tom, and she sat down next to him and hugged him, giving him a kiss on his cheek. He slipped his arms around her and said

"I want you to meet Harry...my best friend."

She smiled at him and said

"I'm glad to meet you Harry. And I'm glad Tom finally brought one of his friends here. He likes to keep this place all to himself."

She smiled again at Tom, who just chuckled.

"I'm glad he invited me too. This is such a beautiful place."

"Yes it is. We fell in love with it the first time we saw it."

Harry nodded. She was a very pretty woman. She looked just like Tom had described her Strawberry blond hair with the auburn accents, but it seemed that her hair was longer. She was dressed in blue jeans and a large shirt that was tied at the bottom. It looked to big for her, and Harry decided it must be one of Tom's. Her blue eyes did sparkle as Tom had said. And it was obvious that they were happy together. He just hoped Tom was not slipping into a fantasy world he couldn't get out of. As he watched them snuggle together, he began to feel uncomfortable. Clearing his throat, he said

"Uh Tom, maybe we better get back to the party before we're missed."

Tom sighed and replied

"I guess so."

He looked at his wife and said.

"I'll be back later."

She nodded, and they all stood up. Tom gave her a passionate kiss, and then turned to Harry and said

"Let's go...computer end program Paris S-1"

The meadow disappeared and was replaced by the yellow grids of the holodeck. Turning to the door, they left this holodeck and went back to the party.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Tom sat at the helm, waiting for the command to enter the wormhole. They were waiting for it to reappear, and he was ready to take Voyager in. They had gotten a message from Starfleet that they would be met on the other side by none other that the Enterprise. They were also informed that on board was a group of four high ranking officers including his father, who would be beaming aboard as soon as they got to the other side to start the preliminary debriefings. He was nervous meeting the man that was his father. They had been assured that no action was going to be taken on the former Maquis, and if they wanted to stay in Starfleet, they would be welcomed. Also he had been told that his sentence had been communed and he was not facing going back to Auckland. He knew that had been his father's doing and he was grateful for that and how his father had stepped in to defend the former Maquis. Things had changed in the Federation since they had been gone. The war with the Dominion had gone bad, and they had just in the last year been able to come to a peaceful end. The Federation was rebuilding and they needed all the help they could get. And besides, the Maquis were no longer considered terrorist, but patriots fighting to save their homes. This had pleased all on Voyager to find out they were no longer wanted people. Chakotay had learned that his home planet Darvon V was no longer under Cardassian rule and, he had learned that his two older brothers were actually ambassadors to the the Federation. His mother was still alive and well, which made him very happy. Ayala found out that his family was safe and sound on Darvon V and he was planning as soon as he could to go home. They were all excited to be going home.

Now, Tom waited. As he watched the view screen, he saw the evidence of the wormhole forming. Behind him he heard Chakotay say

"Here it comes!"

Then on the screen, the wormhole opened and Janeway ordered

"Take us in Tom."

"Aye Captain."

His fingers played across the console and they began moving towards the opening. As they entered, they could feel the beginning of some turbulence.

"Hang on. It could get bumpy!"

Tom said as he adjusted some headings and then it calmed down some. There was still quite a bit of vibrations, but all in all it was a smooth ride. The Captain turned towards Harry at ops and asked

"How long till we reach the other end?"

"About thirty seconds Captain. I hope they're ready for us."

The vibrations increased and the ship began to pitch a bit, but Tom was able to straighten them up, and as they neared the exit, he began to count.

"Exiting in...5...4...3...2..."

They shot out of the wormhole at warp two. It took Tom all of twenty seconds to slow them down and come to a full stop. He turned to the Captain and said

"Sorry Captain, those last few meters of the wormhole shot us up to warp two. We overshot the Enterprise by about three light years."

He looked a little sheepish but she just smiled at him and said

"Good job Tom in slowing down so fast."

Harry called out excitably

"Captain, we're being hailed by the Enterprise."

"On screen."

The view screen lit up with the face of Captain Picard and Admiral Paris.

"Captain Janeway...welcome home"

Picard said with a smile on his face

"Thank you Captain Picard..It's good to finally be home. Admiral Paris, it's good to see you."

She had stepped down and now was standing right behind Tom, her hand on his shoulder. She gently squeezed it as she spoke. Admiral Paris walked forward and said.

"Katie It's so good to see you after all these years. Congratulations on getting you're crew and ship home."

He then looked at Tom and said in a softer tone

"Tom...son.. it good to see you."

"It's go...good to...see you too..sir."

The admiral could see the tears welding up in his son's eyes and knew he had them too so he continued, his voice a little gruff

"We will be there in twenty minutes. My staff and I will beam aboard then and we can have a proper hello to you all."

He stepped back, and then they closed the link and all that showed on the screen was the stars of home.

Twenty minutes later, the senior staff were all assembled in transporter room one waiting the arrival of their visitors. They received the message that they were ready, and Janeway told the transporter chief to energize. After a moment, Captain Picard, Admiral Paris, and three of his staff materialized on the platform. All the senior staff came to attention as Captain Janeway walked up to greet her visitors.

"Captain Picard...Admiral welcome aboard Voyager. She shook Picard's hand but when she turned to Owen Paris he grabbed her into a bear hug and said

"Glad to finally get to hug my portage. It's so good to have you back."

He stepped back and looked at her.

"You're looking good, Katie."

She smiled and said

"Let me introduce you to my senior staff. This is Commander Chakotay, my first officer, Lt Commander Tuvok, my chief of security and tactical officer, Lt B'Elanna Torres, my chief engineer, Ensign Harry Kim, chief of ops, and Lt. Tom Paris, chief Conn officer and chief field medic."

She smiled at each one as she introduced them. Picard and Admiral Paris shook each hand, but when Owen reached his son, he took him in the same bear hug he had given the Captain. He whispered in his ear so only Tom heard him.

"Tom...Tom...son it's so good to have you back. Your mother and I have missed you so much."

When he stepped back, there were tears in his eyes, and he reached up and brushed them aside. Tom was close to tears himself as Owen reached up and brushed his son's cheek. He dipped his head a little, and smiled at his father and softly whispered.

"Th..Thank you sir. I'm glad to...to be..home."

"We'll talk later. I have messages from your mother and sisters."

Tom nodded, and the group of commanding officers strode out of the transporter room. Tom felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see both Harry and B'Elanna smiling at him. He realized that he had tears streaming down his cheeks, and embarrassed, he wiped them away.

"Sorry guys, I didn't think I'd act like a fool."

"Don't apologize for being human Tom."

He looked at B'Elanna and saw something he thought he'd never see. She had tears in her eyes too. He smiled his sheepish smile and said

"Thanks. It was just good to finally meet my Dad. He has changed from the father I had read about. I'm glad that I've change too. Now maybe we can build a relationship and I can be the son he always wanted."

"Tom, you are that son."

Harry said. They all turned an left the transported room as well, talking of families and what they planned to do when they reached Earth.

Three days later, Voyager was approaching Earth. The Federation had planned a gala celebration for their return, and had asked to have Voyager make a grand entrance before they landed on the grounds of headquarters. Tom was thrilled that he was going to have the chance to show off some of his fancy flying. They would be entering the atmosphere in ten minutes, and Tom was planning what moves he would make as not to shake up anyone, either on board or on the ground. When they had got to the right altitude, Tom turned to the Captain and got the okay to begin. He turned back to the helm and smiled. He made a few maneuvers in the air, and then he took Voyager and flew not twenty feet above the Golden Gate Bridge, as he prepared to land on the front lawn at Headquarters. There were fireworks, as Tom gently landed the ship. Once he had shut down the engines, he turned to the Captain and said.

"The Eagle has landed."

Only Chakotay knew the reference referred to the Apollo moon landings in the late 1960's as he was also a fan of early space flight. But Tom knew it also referred to his animal guide. In his head he could almost hear the eagle laughing at his statement.

They had been through a debriefing and also a complete physical to make sure no one was carrying a bad DQ bug. They had all passed with flying colors. They had attended countless affairs for Starfleet, answering countless questions and giving countless interviews to the press. They were considered hero's and were all quite tired of the media circus,and now, after a week of being home, the senior staff had decided to get together at a small cafe just outside of headquarters. It was perfect, because not many people knew it was there. It was a small mom and pop operation, and they prided themselves with a great menu. It had actually been Owen Paris who had suggested it, and he had made sure that the press knew nothing of the night out. Now, discretely, there was a couple of Starfleet security stationed near the door to make sure no press got in. Now the group was relaxing at a table towards the back of the cafe. They had enjoyed a wonderful meal with no interruptions from anyone. The Captain and Chakotay and Tuvok were talking and Harry, his parents and B'Elanna were enjoying themselves. Harry's parents had already 'adopted' B'Elanna into the family and she was having a nice time talking to them. The Doc, Seven and Admiral Paris were busy with a conversation about what the Doc was going to do now. Tom watched the look on his father's face as he talked with Voyagers two most unusual crew members and smiled at his mom and said.

"Dad's over his head with those two."

His mother smiled and said

"He certainly is enjoying himself. I haven't seen him look so alive since..."

She looked back at Tom with a loving look on her face.

"I'm just so glad you're home...I always knew you were alive."

Tom leaned down and placed a light kiss on his mother's forehead.

"I'm sorry...mom...I don't remember anything from my childhood, but I hope we can start from scratch and build new ones."

"We will Tom, all of us."

He hugged her and after a moment, she turned to join the conversation with her husband. Tom felt a hand on his arm and turned to Harry. He had such a large smile on his face, and Tom knew he was happy that his parents had accepted B'Elanna.

"Tom, they love her just as I do. I'm so happy."

Tom smiled and said

"That great Harry. B'Elanna looks happy too. She was sorry that her dad couldn't be here, and now she has you're parents to take some of the sting away."

"Yeah, I'm so happy."

He leaned towards Tom and said

"I asked B'Elanna to marry me and she said yes!"

Tom could see how happy Harry was and was glad for him, but he felt a little twinge of sorrow. He was still alone, but he put on a smile for Harry and replied

"I'm so glad for you Harry. I hope you'll both be..."

Suddenly, Tom's face paled and he got a weird look on his face. Harry face sobered and he said

"What is it Tom?"

It took a moment for Tom to speak, and when he did, he sounded...as if he was seeing a ghost.

"Oh my god, Harry...it's her...it's really her."

Harry turned and looked in the direction that Tom was looking, but he only saw the other patrons. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Who, Tom?"

Tom had not taken his eyes off the person he was watching. Now he slowly rose and started towards the person. His movement was noticed by everyone at the table. They all heard Tom say before he was gone

"It's her...the woman in my dream."

He reached her table and looked down at her. She was just as beautiful as he had dreamed. She turned her head and looked up at him and the look on her face turned to shock. Together they said

"It's you."

He sat down and said

"My name is Tom...Tom Paris."

She nodded and answered

"My name is Jill Morgan."

It was plain that somehow they knew each **other.** The people at the table he had left just stared and wondered how a person from a dream could be real. But there she sat. It was a miracle.

The End.

**A/N OK, its not really the end. When I thought up this story last week, I had always planned a sequel. I couldn't just leave Tom like that. My sequel is named Unforgettable, so as soon as I start writing it, I'll begin to post. This will be a story about Tom and Jill, so other Voyager members will not be that visible in the story, but will pop up here and there. I want to thank all who took the time to read this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And thank you for all who took time to write such nice reviews. I hope to have the first chapter of the new story up by next week.**


End file.
